I saw you struggling making your way through the day as if you were put on a planet where being beautiful and nice was like plague, and expecting love in return that you carried in your own heart was the most sinister thing to do.
Neatly dressed and walking around elegantly, carrying out a battle with your demons those obviously others couldn’t see, you were breaking sweat to keep it going as your intoxicating breath was getting heavier, you always had that smile. A smile that was always fake. But I knew what you were capable of.
You said you didn’t like your teeth because they were perfect. I looked at your gorgeous mouth and the gums so pink and clean and realized that you must be at a war with yourself too because if I were you, I would have kissed my own mouth every now and then. Strange that I never saw your tongue but believe me I already have a fair idea how would it taste. I’ve already tongue-kissed you a thousand times in my head.
We met in the right place, in right circumstances, in a right age, but at a wrong time. We were like two trains coming from opposite directions meeting in the times like Syria. I was desperate for a comeback to mainstream life after an extended bone-crushing, soul-sucking, brain-fucking experience; you were headed right there. I’d started to write well because I was so fucked-up I couldn’t speak right. When I saw you, I started believing that I made it through. So, I told you straight away that meeting you felt like was a part of my destiny. Exactly the way a drowning man behaves when there is someone to save him. I scared you there.
You were tired of all the nonsense. You’d been in love that hammered your heart and tortured you for being in love. You’d loved the wrong guys, and by the time the right one appeared, you’d lost all your hopes. The biggest mistake I ever made was to tell you that I was a writer. Because then you knew I could feel deeper than others, see farther than others, be better than others. You knew I would do anything to make you stay because you would be the only reason in the world for me, and my poetry would haunt even if you were gone.
I could make you change your mind about love because I knew it existed. It existed in my heart. And no matter how cold-blooded you acted soon after you knew, it existed in your heart too. But you were looking for someone who you could hurt the way you were hurting and dump and move on. Somehow, you didn’t want to do that to me, but if you tried it would have saved us both.