Had I known:
The rendezvous with this monster would be such life-altering if only I get a peep through the shamelessly hung-open hooks of her blouse that my mind will get molested but with the bang-bang, I’ll miraculously find strength in the middle of my legs in between the shaking knees and a wish for my own abduction will desperately become a part of this wild fantasy by default.
Had I known
That a monster’s cold shoulder will be so aching more than her claws ever would that it’ll make me the debris I’ve always hated around and it’ll be damn hard to chuck her out from my mind even when she’ll snatch a promise to forget her from me along with my fucked up sanity.
Had I known
That one day I’ll find myself in a corner of hotel heartbreak, indulged with this factory-made peanut butter rubbing at my center till I find that lost strength again. That I’ll then admire it looking in the mirror with the futile pride and run from one place to another imagining: I’m chasing her chasing pavements ‘till I’ll lo(o)se it like I lost this monster once.
Had I known then I wouldn’t have known:
The lust or its reverse
The zenith or the nadir
The monsters in general or the monster in me.
* I used the titles of my thirteen poems (highlighted) to create this piece of writing. This is my first attempt to do so and I’m hoping to continue this trend in the future as well. I hope you enjoyed it.